The narcissist’s woman
Today, beauty has become synonymous with success, power and efficiency. The lucky ones seem to be those who possess beauty but what does it actually mean?
Possessing beauty does not only mean having received gifts from mother nature but it is possible to highlight further nuances. When a person is not particularly beautiful, he tends to be fascinated by beauty and constantly searches for it because, he wants to take possession of it. For this reason, a woman who sports a dazzling, radiant appearance becomes a coveted prey in the eyes of the narcissist.
The narcissist (of course it also applies to narcissistic women) want to take possession of the beauty of others, trying to conquer women who appear beautiful and desirable as having such a woman at their side means for a narcissist to be able to prove their worth to the world, hoping so , to be able to earn the esteem and admiration of others. This explains the frantic search of some men of the splendid creature to conquer but also among the narcissistic women the same problem exists.
From the point of view of women the speech takes on different tones, the so-called beautiful in fact, consequently becomes a prey but, which appears interesting is the type of satisfaction that some women and I repeat some women, manage to draw from their role of prey, not all women, but for some, appearing as a prey to man’s eyes is experienced in a positive way. These women, feeling prey and being treated as such, are able to satisfy the unconscious desires of which they are often completely unaware. One of these needs is that of slavery, which is a total cancellation of personal freedom but in general these are women with masochistic traits, who have lived a problematic childhood and do not have a good relationship with themselves.
When internal dialogue with its split parts is lacking, predictable mechanisms can be triggered. In fact, despite the privileges that they could derive from their external appearance, these very beautiful women, masochistically enjoy the condition of slaves.
Men who manage to capture this type of woman, managing to exercise control over them, are restless and tormented by jealousy because they are afraid that their woman, and I repeat their woman, could become the hunting ground of other men. These men are worn down by insecurity and experience the anxiety of abandonment that originates from an ancient fear, the loss of the original object of love, that is, the mother.
Here we return again to the unresolved Oedipal complex from which the narcissist would suffer, his desire for protagonism, arises precisely from the unresolved Oedipus complex and from the sense of inferiority.
The narcissist cannot bear to be left, his game is to abandon the prey first and he does so without feeling guilty, he suffers from a fixation on the oral phase, which arises precisely from the lack of empathy in the mother, from this original situation the manipulative seductive attitude develops which has the function of countering the inferiority complex.
The narcissist lies and deceives with great cunning, showing what it is not, like a chameleon that manages to defend itself by camouflaging and hiding. At first he presents himself as a skilful flatterer, he fills the other with compliments, until at a certain point he begins to be ambiguous and gradually more and more jealous, he becomes critical then becomes devaluing and ends up tormenting the victim without scruples.
Once in possession of the partner, she vampirizes him and then abandons him. So we can say that in reality the narcissist is unable to draw from the relationship with the partner, the true nourishment, the one necessary to expand his personality but he is himself the victim of a pathetic psychic evolution which is a form of regression due to obsessive thoughts, already aroused by jealousy.
The childish attitude of these pathological narcissists makes the relationship humiliating and destructive, therefore destined to end.
Moral of the story, we must never make the mistake of choosing the partner or the companion of our life only by virtue of his physical appearance, because if we pursue the exterior, we remain in the world of illusions and we will not be able to access the only place anymore, interesting of all, which is our inner world.
You see, today’s man is a submissive and dependent man, a cowardly and fearful man who passively obeys capitalist laws, therefore he is a subject. We could say that he is a subject hostage, because he has a hunger for objects that knows no bounds. Where has humanity gone, the right to make choices and how can all this be overturned, how can the logic that leads to a macabre triumph of narcissistic possession overturn?
Freud and Jung teach us that our desire can find satisfaction not here, not immediately but elsewhere. Heaven is not here but we must take a path that is a dialectical path with ourselves, with our split parts. This path is made of lack, not possession or control, the path cannot be possessed but it is what sets us in motion and effect of desire, it is a question of love, the path explains us how the love itself, in the path in front of us, there is the spark of the return to life but are we willing to live? Do we want life?
To want life, it is necessary to cure the desire, the desire of the sick man. The symptom of narcissism contains in itself the truth of this desire, which must be grasped, beyond the appearance, the cure consists precisely in a disidentification, or rather a distance from false desires, of the subject who in the first place must abandon that false definition of self which is like a grotesque mask. This is the real object of the conquest and nobody knows what there is in the end, we do not have the answers but if step by step we advance curious, then the void of meaning opens up and the transformation happens. You see, the narcissist has an open account with the unconscious that obliges him, to a confrontation that he does not want to sustain, so instead of walking the paths of the soul confronting himself with his shadow to understand the meaning of his pain, the narcissist identifies himself with the luminous face, of himself and denies the other aspect, hidden and dark, letting himself be tempted by omnipotence.
Always think with your heart